How true is that?
When you sit down and truly reflect on the traumas you’ve gone through, how many did you choose?
I know I didn’t choose to be a widow at 30 while pregnant. Never in a million years would I choose that for anyone.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t continue to honour that part of my story because it truly was the catalyst to changing my entire life.
Before that specific trauma, I was a different person. I wasn’t true to myself, I was too busy trying to be what others wanted me to be. A people pleaser? Absolutely. Happy? Not even close.
How many times have we heard so many times that trauma changes you? More than I can count that’s for sure. But you know what, it took going through that loss for me to really understand what that meant. Trauma forces you into a hole that takes a whole lot of messy to dig out of. And big ol T traumas? Well those take time, effort and a lot ton of strength to dig your way out of those.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in that. You can choose to heal from your trauma. And you can choose to live in your trauma or live with your trauma. Because its your trauma. It happened to you. It’s not easy and its definitely not pretty but you can make the choice.
There are days when I reflect back on that year after my partner died suddenly, I wonder if staying stuck would have been easier. I mean it was predictable and it was simple. Keep breathing.That’s all I had to do. Wake Up, Keep tiny humans alive, Go to Sleep. (There are some days I still go into that survival mode mind you).
Do you ever think staying stuck is easier? I get it really I do. Simple and predictable. But is that really living? Now thats a question only you can answer.
It’s a question I spent a year trying to answer. And it took picking up my life and moving back home to fully commit to my answer. For me it wasn’t living. Surviving wasn’t making me happy and it certainly wasn’t making my kids happy. So I made the choice. I chose to heal. And I still make that choice every single day. Because my big T trauma, it’s not going away. Ever. Grief stays with you but you can decide how much space it takes up.
Don’t get me wrong, this healing shit… It’s hard and some days it’s ugly.
It takes unimaginable strength and resilience.
But damn if it isn’t beautiful in its chaos.<3
So I bet your wondering where the triumph comes in. I mean I’ve written about trauma (scratch the service is more like it) and the title of this is trauma to triumph, so how do you turn trauma to triumph?
Make the Choice to Heal.
That’s it. What that looks I can’t tell you because I don’t know what your trauma has done to you. I only know what my trauma has done to me. So I had to make my choice to heal and that my friends is the true triumph. Making the choice.
Whether you going through it now or still in that stuck/survival mode, please know that you have a strength inside of you that is insurmountable. I believe in you and I believe you have what it takes to make the choice. <3